Yes, a believing spouse can influence an unbelieving partner, primarily through a consistent Christian example rather than pressure or argument.
Les Feldick illustrates this with a wife whose godly conduct so affected her physician husband that, after four months, he recognized her superior character and was convicted in his office, kneeling to ask God to save him. He also shares how a husband's faithful example, combined with God's sovereign grace, led his initially rejecting wife to faith through a believing friend. The key is not arm-twisting but living a life that demonstrates the reality of faith, trusting God to work.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14 — This passage directly addresses the situation of a believer married to an unbeliever and instructs not to divorce, implying the influence of the believing spouse.
The Bible addresses the marriage relationship between a believer and an unbeliever, emphasizing the sanctifying influence of the believer (1 Corinthians 7:14). It instructs the believing spouse not to initiate divorce if the unbelieving partner is willing to live with them (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). Scripture also speaks to the husband-wife relationship in terms of mutual submission and love, with the husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). This includes a call for wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22), and for husbands to treat their wives with the same self-sacrificial love Christ has for the church. Furthermore, the Bible encourages believers to let their conduct be a witness, as seen in the example of a wife winning her husband 'without the word' through her behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2). However, the specific evidence provided focuses on the principle of influence through a changed life.
Les teaches that a believing spouse can influence an unbelieving partner primarily through a consistent Christian example, not through pressure, argument, or manipulation. He shares a powerful testimony of a woman whose changed life so impacted her physician husband that within four months he came to faith after seeing her conduct. Les emphasizes a practical approach: 'Just do what you know John likes' — meeting the husband's needs in a way that reflects genuine love and concern, not a superficial or contrived effort. Les also illustrates the reverse scenario: a husband who came to faith first while his wife initially rejected the Word of God. He continued to live out his faith, and later, through God's sovereign grace, a believing friend led her to the Lord. Les underscores that the believer is not to force the issue, as doing so falls 'down into the energy of the flesh.' Instead, salvation and conviction are the work of the Holy Spirit, and the believer's role is to be a living example, trusting God to work in His time. When a husband or wife remains married to a pagan unbeliever, Les advises not to break up the marriage if possible. They should remain faithful and live the example, hoping the unbelieving partner will open their heart to the Gospel. This can lead to a restored, happy marriage and home, with children likely following that pattern.
Les teaches that a believing wife should not try to force her husband to change. Instead, she should live out her faith in a practical way that meets her husband's needs. In the example he gives, the wife was advised to do what her husband enjoyed, such as preparing his favorite meals, and to show genuine love and care. This consistent, unpressured witness led to her husband's conversion in four months.
Les shares an example where a husband came to faith first, while his wife initially rejected the Word of God. The husband continued to live out his faith without pushing. Later, through God's sovereign grace, a believing friend visited the wife and led her to the Lord. This illustrates that the believer's role is to be a consistent example, while God works in the heart of the unbeliever.
Les indicates that when a husband or wife remains married to a pagan unbeliever, the instruction is not to break up the marriage if possible. They should remain faithful and live the example, hoping that the unbelieving partner will eventually open their heart to the Gospel. This can lead to a restored, happy marriage and home, with children likely following that pattern.
Les emphasizes that the Holy Spirit can woo and convict, but God will never force anyone to believe. He is against arm-twisting because it falls into the energy of the flesh. Salvation is totally the work of the Holy Spirit, and we must never sell short the sovereignty of God. He reaches down and chooses us, but for the unbeliever, they should simply believe the gospel, and God will reveal truth little by little.
Wife's Example Wins Her Husband
Les tells the story of a believing wife whose consistent, considerate conduct so impressed her physician husband that he was convicted and came to faith in four months.
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And so it took a lot of patience, and then of course her husband was from a totally different view. And between the two of them, and myself and the work of the Holy Spirit, over a period of about four, five, six months, we finally got them squared away. They both came to know the Lord, and to this day they're both active up there in a local church.
Sovereignty of God in Salvation
Les emphasizes that God's sovereign grace works in bringing couples together and in salvation; believers are to trust God's timing and not force decisions.
Witness Through Fruit
Les notes that the fruit of a believer is winning others for Christ, but this is not done by forcing; it comes through a genuine concern and a life that bears fruit.
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Therefore, in Ephesians 5, "...therefore, as the church," that is again the body, "...is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." But now, don't lose the connotation. Husbands, we are to have the same attitude toward our wife that Christ has to the church.
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But once we've entered in and have enjoyed this position now in Christ, what do we become? Like husband and wife. We're one with Him. Now that's a deep concept when you understand that it's all in the realm of the spiritual, and the only way we can comprehend it is by faith. That's what the Book teaches. And if the Book teaches, we have to believe it. That's what God expects.
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But God has still mandated this husband and wife relationship is such that the husband is the head of the wife. And I've always told my classes over the years that that does not mean that she can be his gopher. That does not mean that she's his slave girl, and that he's some kind of an augury that can lord over her.
No Arm-Twisting in Salvation
Les explains that the Holy Spirit convicts but never forces; believers should not pressure or arm-twist others, as that falls into the flesh. Instead, let God work.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14: And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
This verse reminds believers not to divorce an unbelieving spouse and declares that the believer sanctifies the marriage, indicating a sphere of influence.
Ephesians 5:22-25: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
This passage defines the marriage relationship, calling for self-sacrificial love and submission, which can be a powerful testimony.
Yes. Les Feldick teaches that a believing spouse can influence an unbelieving partner primarily through a consistent Christian example rather than pressure or argument. He shares testimonies where a wife's conduct led to her husband's conversion in four months, and where a husband's faithful example eventually saw his wife come to faith.
Les advises against trying to force an unbelieving spouse to attend church, having others confront them, or continually pressing them. He is against 'arm-twisting' because it falls into the energy of the flesh. Instead, the believer is to live a life that demonstrates the reality of faith.
Les indicates that when a husband or wife remains married to a pagan unbeliever, the instruction is not to break up the marriage if possible. They should remain faithful and live the example, hoping that the unbelieving partner will eventually open their heart to the Gospel.
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