What the Bible Really Says About Marriage — 1 Corinthians 7 Explained

Hello, and welcome to Through the Bible with Les Feldick. An Oklahoma rancher and farmer, Les Feldick has been teaching homestyle Bible classes for 20 years in Iowa, Oklahoma, and Texas. Les Feldick's unique style of Bible teaching has made the books of the Bible come to life. When Les is teaching, it's so interesting that people say time just seems to fly by. And now, here is Les Feldick. Let's go right back to where we picked up in chapter 7, and we'll get down to verse 4. Now for those of you in television, we like to announce periodically that we tape four of these programs in succession, so you'll see the same people in the same place wearing the same clothes for a whole month. But it just enhances our taping situation, and we trust you understand. Also remember that everything is available on video, and the videos have been transcribed in little books. And then Roy here has come up with a brilliant idea. We're going to start putting our book and our tape number, they're synonymous remember. Our book and our tape number this time is 27, and we are in the second series of that tape 27, or the middle four programs. Now right now this will be the third program of this afternoon's taping, and that will kind of help identify Jerry, you're going to like that aren't you? So we are presently all on our way in tape number and book number 27. This is the center segment of the four lessons, and we are presently in the third one. So much for that. I Corinthians chapter 7, a chapter I told you I'd just as soon forget about and skim around, but it is still so appropriate. It's under probably different circumstances than most of us are confronted with, and yet as our society is crumbling, and as we are falling more and more into the same kind of a social fabric that Corinth was, this chapter 7 is probably more appropriate than most of us would like to admit. Now as we drop down in verse 4 where Paul is dealing with the relationship between the husband and the wife, he says, "...the wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband." But don't stop there. Likewise also, "...the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife." So where does that put us? It puts us on equal ground, and in the marriage relationship it is 50-50. I know I've often said it's more like 80-20 from both sides, but that still boils down to a 50-50 relationship. Now of course what Paul is talking about here is the satisfaction of the sexual needs of both parties of the marriage union. Now that is picked up in verse 5. "...since it is a 50-50 situation, the husband is to be aware of the needs of the wife, and the wife is to be aware of the needs of the husband, consequently defraud not one the other unless it's for consent." Now what's he talking about? Now like I said, I'm not a marriage counselor, and I don't pretend to be, but I've read a few of their manuals, and we know that one thing they warn against is, never use sex as a lever against your spouse. In other words, wives are not to withhold the marriage bed from their husband in order to gain an advantage, but vice versa. And so this is what he means. Do not use the marriage relationship to defraud or to bring pressure to bear on your spouse for something that is of your own volition. So defraud not one another unless it's by consent. Now granted other things enter in, there can be emotional stress, there can be physical impairment, but all things being normal, then Paul says that if it's consented that you're going to abstain from that marriage relationship for a time, well be it, but don't do it for long, because he says, come together again. Even though you may break that for a time for whatever purpose, don't extend it. Come back together again for what purpose? That Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. Now you see what we're all up against? The sex drive is powerful, no doubt about it, and God put it there for a purpose. But we're not to abuse it any more than we do anything else. So if there is a consent between the two partners to refrain for a period of time, that's all well and good, but don't overdo it. And when you come back together again, do it for the purpose lest Satan comes in and tempts one or the other to go outside the marriage relationship. Then he says in verse 6, I speak this by permission and not of commandment. And then he says in verse 7, something that throws a curve at a lot of people, when Paul says, I would that all men were even as I myself, but every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this matter, and another after that. Now we know that once Paul began his apostolic ministry from all scriptural indications, he was alone. But my whole premise is that he had at one time been married, and had children. Now the reason I say that, and I'm going to take you back to Acts chapter 26, and I try not to just bring things out of the woodwork, but I want to be able to back up what I teach from the Scriptures. Back in Acts 26 we see a very revealing part of Paul that too many people ignore, and they just think that he was a bachelor who had never married, and consequently he had a thing against women, and he had a thing against marriage. No he didn't, but he was certainly alone at the time that he starts his ministry as an apostle. But Acts 26 now rehearses his past life when he was active in Judaism, and he was a Pharisee of the Pharisee, and he was persecuting the believers in Jerusalem who had become followers of Jesus of Nazareth, and he was trying to stamp them out, and he thought he was doing God a favor. Now let's pick that up in Acts 26, and let's look at what Paul says in verse 9. I verily thought with myself, that I ought to do many things contrary to the name of Jesus of Nazareth, as a religious fanatic, which thing I also did in Jerusalem. And many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests, and when they, these believing Jews whom he had arrested and brought back before the religious leaders of Jerusalem, and when they were put to death, I gave my voice against them. Now who was the ruling body of Jews that would have been voting what to do with these believers? The Sanhedrin. Now here's where I maintain the man was married. If I understand the Jewish Old Testament economy, they could not be a member of the Sanhedrin unless they were married and had children. And the purpose of course, is how can you judge in the areas of family relationships if you've never had the experience? Now that's nothing new. Now let's bring it all the way back to I Timothy chapter 3, and Paul carries it right on into the leadership of the Church. The same premise. How can leaders of the Church lead intelligently and from experience, if they've never had the responsibility of being a husband and a father? Now look what he says in I Timothy chapter 3, and here's one of these places I always ask people. I don't care what denomination you're from, I don't care what you think of the Apostle Paul, where do you get the reasons for your church government or organization? Well you get it from Paul, whether they like to admit it or not. And here we have it. We have the qualifications for a pastor or a bishop, and the deacons. I Timothy chapter 3, and we're starting with verse 1. This is a true saying. I Timothy 3. If a man desires the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 2. A bishop or pastor then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, 4. Of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach, not given to wine, no striker, and not covetous. 4. What is the other part of his requirement? 1. That ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection. You come on down to the deacons and it's the same thing. So this whole process of leadership in the realm of the Spirit demanded that Paul was married and had children. What happened to him we don't know. I would like to think, and I may be as wrong as wrong can be, but I like to think that after his conversion on the road to Damascus, and it just totally upset his whole apple cart of life so to speak, and he turned his back on that well paying position as a member of the Sanhedrin, as a member of the Pharisees, and he says in Galatians that he profited in the Jews religion. In other words, he was making big money as one of the religious leaders of Israel, and he turned his back on all that. What do you suppose his wife and kids did? I think they rebelled at the very thought of it, and she probably left him or divorced him or whatever. We don't know. That's all just my own idea. But whatever, I have to feel that Paul at one time was married and had children, but something happened to him because from the time that we pick up the Apostle Paul in the book of Acts, he is alone. He doesn't call himself a widower, he doesn't call himself a bachelor, he just knows that he does not have a wife or family. Now coming back to I Corinthians chapter 7, it's that single statement that Paul is referring to when he says, "...I wish all men were even as I myself." Now there had to be a reason for the man to say that, because he certainly was not putting the kibosh on marriage and family. But all through Paul's letters, what was he expecting to happen at any moment? Well, the Lord to come. And on top of that, I think that by the sovereign grace of God, Paul had a little bit of a foreview of the horrible persecution that was going to come upon the Christians. Now then, if all of a sudden persecution was to fall, how much easier it would be for people to be single. It stands to reason that a poor little wife wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of her husband being taken away in the middle of the night, or having children suddenly kidnapped away from them and not knowing what happened to them. It would be better to just be alone, face persecution, face the death, and have it over with. So I think both of these things have to be brought into our understanding of what Paul is teaching here, that number one, the Lord's coming he thought was at hand. Paul says that throughout his letters, that the Lord was coming imminently, and of course it didn't happen. So he tempers these relationships with that in view, plus like I've already said, he had an inkling, I'm sure, of the horrible persecution that was going to be coming across the Roman Empire. So take all of that into consideration. Now then verse 8. I say therefore to the unmarried, and the widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. There again he's telling even the women, it would probably be more comfortable, it would be better if they would remain single, than to get involved again and go through the trauma of losing their husband to the forces of persecution. But he's going to give them an out. If they cannot contain, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. Now what's he talking about? If they cannot control their sexual desires, and it gets to the place that they're tempted to commit adultery to do that, then Paul says you're better off getting married. That comes right back to what he says up in verse 2. Nevertheless to avoid immoral circumstances or the temptations of it, you're better off getting married. But that aside, it's better that they stay single under those circumstances. Now then we come down to verse 10, and this is difficult. I know that a lot of people probably don't like to face this head on, but we have to because it's in the Book. But I'm going to temper it somewhat by assuring people that even though we are guilty of the sin of adultery by virtue of remarriage and so forth, yet every sin is forgivable. There is nothing that the Lord will not forgive. But again I think society as a whole, and especially the Christian community, has to understand how God looks at these things, and that's what we have to go by. How does God look at it? Not what society thinks, not what our denomination thinks, but what does God say? And again like we said in the last program, the problem with our whole attitude towards marriage amongst our young people, is because they have not been taught what God says about this marriage relationship. Now let's look at verse 10. Ephesians 2. And so unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to the husband. And let the husband, by the same token, not put away his wife. Verse 12. But to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman who hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, who is now a believer, then let her not leave him. Stay with him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by that wife who is a believer, and vice versa an unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, and now they are holy. Now verse 15. But if the unbeliever, the man or the woman steeped in idolatry, has not yet become a believer, and if that believing partner departs, let him or her go. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace. But what knowest thou, O wife, who is a believer, whether thou shalt save thy husband, who is still in idolatry? Or how knowest thou, man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? Now of course we know that we cannot save our spouse, and the spouse cannot save us. So what's Paul talking about? Let me bring you back again to Peter's little epistle. Now again let me recap. Here in especially the city of Corinth, and this is the only letter where Paul deals with these things, and so consequently I have to feel that the Ephesians weren't under this kind of situation, the Philippians weren't, the Colossians weren't, to a degree yes, but not like it was in Corinth. It was just beyond comprehension, and every one of these converts of Paul had been in idolatry. And if they were married, then naturally they both were. So if one of them is saved and comes out of it, and becomes a believing Christian, then here we have this division in the family now. One is still in idolatry, and the other is a believer. How are they going to handle it? Those of you who have had contact with missionaries, they have to deal with the same thing. If they're working amongst polygamous type people, and a husband is converted and he has 4 or 5 wives, how are they going to handle it? Well it's not easy, because in any culture if those excess wives are sent out away from the husband's roof, invariably in order to stay alive, in order to get enough food to feed themselves, what do many of them end up doing? Prostitution. So you have to always take all these things into consideration, and it's not easy. See we're so immune to all these things, and we've been so protected in our American society, but these things were real to these people. Now look at what Peter says in I Peter chapter 3, starting at verse 1. I Peter 3. Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, that they, the wives, may without the word, without preaching at them, without dragging them to church, without bringing them under the television ministry, that without saying a word, that lost husband may be won not by preaching, not by nagging, but by the manner of living of the wife, that while they behold your chaste manner of living, coupled with fear, whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of the plating, or the braiding of the hair, or the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel, but instead let her win the husband by the hidden man of the heart. Now we're using that as a generic term again, because we're dealing with a believing woman. That that which is not corruptible, that is that born again spirit within that believing woman, even the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is a great price. Now what is Peter admonishing the believing wife to do? Don't nag that unbelieving husband, don't preach at him, don't try to drag him to church, because that's not going to work. So what does she do first and foremost? She lives an exemplary Christian life in front of him. Now I've got a pet experience, and I don't like to use too many of these because the book speaks so much louder than anything I can say. But you know when I was teaching up in Iowa, I had a Saturday night young people's class and we had 45-50 kids come in every Saturday night. One time one of the ladies who lived in Caddy Corner from the home that was hosting us said, What in the world is going on in your house on Saturday night? So Gladys said, Well we have a Bible study for young people. She said, Is there any chance that I could just come and sit off in the corner some place? And she said, Sure, there's no problem with that. So this lady, she was a doctor's wife, had a lovely home, and she had a husband that was something else. They wouldn't mind my telling it, I mean they tell it all over the country themselves now. But she came to that class for young people, and over a few weeks time, Mary Beth was saved gloriously. She came to know the Lord. Well it wasn't but a few weeks after that, and Iris and I were attending a wedding where she also was, and this was 60 miles down the road, so I've been driving a long time to these classes. So we went to a wedding, and she met us out in the lobby of the church, and she started to weep. And I said, What in the world is the problem? And she said, My husband John. And I said, Yeah, I've heard about John. He was something else. He had more than one mistress, and she knew it, and as a result of her salvation, he became her number one burden. And I guess I happened to have a New Testament in my suit pocket, it was at a wedding, and so I showed her these two or three verses. And I said, Now this isn't going to be easy, but my Bible tells me that if you can do it, God will do it. And she said, I'm willing to try. Now about that time I think the book was out, and somebody had written that the wife should meet the husband at the door with some seductive negligee and all that bunch of baloney. And I said, Just do what you know John likes. If he likes a good t-bone steak, have one ready once in a while. If he likes hot apple pie, have a pie ready when he comes home. Like I said, he was a physician. Well to make the long story short, do you know how long it took? Four months. And old John told the story himself. So that's why I say I don't mind putting it on television, because he wouldn't mind. I was in my office one Sunday morning, and I had just seen my last patient. I was in a hurry to get out to the country club, and I was just going to spend the day boozing it up with my buddies. And he said, Before I got out of my clinic, the Lord just came on me with such conviction that my wife was such a far better person than I could ever hope to be. And he said, Right there in my office I dropped to my knees and said, God I'm a sinner, save me. And he said he did. And you know the man has been a church leader almost ever since. That's why I say I don't mind repeating it, even on television. He is a living example of what a believing wife can do without saying a word. Most women get the idea that they're going to drag him to church, and they get everybody trying to collar him, and that's not the way to do it. You just simply prove to that woman, I've got quite a few like that. On one of the other instances, he was the other way around. The husband came to the class first, and was saved, and got such a burden for his little wife. And she tells it. So I mean I don't mind, she tells it herself. She had nothing to do with it. In fact she used some pretty vile language concerning the Word of God when he tried to read it to her. But he just kept living the example. And then finally one day the Lord in His sovereign grace caused a friend of hers who was a believer to just stop in for coffee one morning, and in the process of having a cup of coffee led this lady to the Lord. And they're still living the exemplary Christian life together today. So I know it works. Now this is all that Paul is saying, that if a wife or a husband finds themselves still in a marriage relationship with a rank pagan unbeliever, hang in there. Paul says don't break up the marriage if at all possible, but live the example so that the day will come when they will open their heart to the Gospel, and then you can have again a happy marriage relationship, a happy home, and of course then the children will more than likely follow suit. Thank you for watching Through the Bible with Les Feldick, a weekly Bible study. If you would like more information about the Les Feldick Ministries, a Bible study in your area or about this program, write to Les Feldick Ministries, Route 1, Box 760, Kenta, OK 74552. That's Route 1, Box 760, Kenta, OK 74552. Through the Bible with Les Feldick is viewer supported, and your gift is appreciated. Thank you, and be sure to tune in next time for Through the Bible with Les Feldick.