The biblical role of a husband is to be the head of his wife in the same way Christ is the head of the church, and to love his wife with the same self-giving love Christ showed the church.
God places the husband in a position of headship, but that headship is defined by Christ's relationship to the church. The husband is explicitly commanded in Ephesians 5:25 to love his wife, even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Les Feldick teaches that this authority never permits a man to treat his wife as a slave or servant; she is part of him, and when a husband loves rightly, his wife responds.
Ephesians 5:23 — It directly defines the husband's role by comparing his headship to Christ's headship over the church.
Ephesians 5:25 — It gives the husband his central command: to love his wife as Christ loved the church.
In Ephesians 5:21-25, the Apostle Paul lays out the husband-wife relationship in explicitly spiritual terms. Verse 21 calls for mutual submission "in the fear of God." Verse 22 then addresses wives: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Verse 23 defines the husband's parallel role: "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." Verse 24 continues the comparison, saying that as the church is subject to Christ, so wives should be to their own husbands in everything. Verse 25 is the husband's direct command: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." The full picture is one of a head not lording over the wife but loving her sacrificially, mirroring the relationship between Christ and the church.
Les teaches that the success or failure of a home and marriage is primarily the man's responsibility. He points young men especially to Ephesians 5, where the marriage relationship is described. He emphasizes that God has mandated the husband to be the head of the wife, but he repeatedly clarifies that this does not mean the wife is a "gopher" or a "slave girl" and that the husband is not to lord over her. Instead, the relationship is equated to the Lord and the church: as the Lord is to the church, so the husband is to the wife, and as the church is to the Lord, so the wife is to the husband. The central command to the husband is Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives." Les stresses that this is a commandment, not a suggestion. He notes that Scripture never commands wives to love their husbands; the only place mothers teach daughters to love a husband is instruction rather than commandment. He traces this back to creation: God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate, but He created in Eve the ability to respond. Just as believers respond to God's love, a wife is designed to respond to her husband's love. Les says this is what makes a marriage work: a husband who loves his wife, even though he is head over her, and a wife who revels in his love, protection, and expression of everything. Les applies the Christ-and-church analogy directly to the husband's attitude. When a husband treats his wife as Christ treats the church, there are no divorce problems. Christ's love for the church was total, to the place that He died for her. Les challenges husbands with the question of whether they would die for their wives. He also connects the theme to the spiritual picture: Christ as the spiritual Husband and the body of Christ as the spiritual wife or bride.
No. Les explicitly says that the husband's headship does not mean the wife can be his gopher or his slave girl, and it does not mean he can lord over her. The Bible never gives the husband authority to downtrod his wife. She is not a servant; she is a part of him, and they are one. The whole relationship is patterned after Christ and the church.
Yes. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Les points out that whenever the Bible stipulates something like this, it becomes a commandment. He also notes that Scripture never commands wives to love their husbands. The closest example is mothers teaching daughters how to love a husband, but that is instruction, not a commandment.
Les traces this to creation. God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate, but He created Eve with the ability to respond. The command to husbands fits the design. When a husband truly loves his wife, God has put within the woman the ability to respond to that love. That response is what makes a marriage work.
A husband's love should be patterned after Christ's love for the church. Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Les says a husband with that attitude treats his wife as Christ treats the church, with total love to the point of being willing to die for her. When that attitude governs the home, there will not be divorce problems.
Man's Responsibility for the Home
Les tells young people that the success or failure of a marriage and home is primarily the man's responsibility and directs him to Ephesians 5's teaching on the husband-wife relationship.
Husband as Head Without Domination
Les explains that a husband is the head of the wife by God's mandate, but this does not make her his gopher or slave girl; the relationship is patterned after Christ and the church.
The Command for Husbands to Love
Les shows that Scripture never commands wives to love their husbands, but it does command husbands to love their wives in Ephesians 5:25.
Created to Love and Respond
Les connects creation to the command: Adam was created with the ability to love his helpmate, and Eve was created with the ability to respond, just as believers respond to God's love.
Head and One Flesh
Les clarifies that the Bible never gives the husband authority to downtrod his wife; she is not his servant but part of him, and the two are one.
Christ-Like Attitude
Les challenges husbands to treat their wives as Christ treats the church, with total love to the point of dying for her, which eliminates divorce problems.
The Christ/Church Analogy
Les connects Ephesians 5:23 and 25 to the spiritual picture of Christ as the Husband and the body of Christ as the Bride.
The Wife's Inbuilt Responder
Les explains that if a man loves his wife, God has put within the female an ability to respond, and that response is what makes a marriage work.
Ephesians 5:21: Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Paul introduces the marriage passage with mutual submission in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
This gives the wife's part in the relationship, framed as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
This defines the husband's headship by comparing it to Christ's headship over the church.
Ephesians 5:24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
This extends the Christ-church pattern to the wife's response to her husband.
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
This is the direct command to husbands to love sacrificially, as Christ loved the church.
Yes. Ephesians 5:25 explicitly commands, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." Les points out that whenever the Bible stipulates something like this, it becomes a commandment.
According to Les, God never commanded the woman to love the husband, not even in Ephesians. Instead, He created within the woman the ability to respond to her husband's love. Mothers teaching daughters to love a husband is instruction, not a commandment.
It means the husband has a God-ordained place of authority, but it is patterned after Christ and the church. Les says this never makes the wife a gopher or slave girl; she is part of him, and the husband's attitude should be total love, to the point of giving his life for her.
Watch the Teaching: Genesis 1:26-27: Who Are "Us"? The Trinity in Creation