The Bible never commands wives to love their husbands.
Instead, Ephesians 5:22 tells wives to submit to their own husbands, while Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Les Feldick explains the reason goes back to creation: God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate and created Eve with the ability to respond to that love.
Ephesians 5:25 — This verse contains the marriage love command, and it is directed to husbands, not wives.
Ephesians 5:22 — This verse shows what wives are told to do in the marriage relationship: submit to their own husbands.
Ephesians 5:23 — This verse explains the husband’s headship by comparing it to Christ’s headship over the church.
In Ephesians 5, the Holy Spirit through Paul gives distinct instructions for the marriage relationship. The wife is told, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). The passage then explains, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). The only command to love in this passage is directed to the husband: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). The passage does not command wives to love their husbands. The wife’s part is expressed as submission, while the husband’s part is expressed as sacrificial, Christlike love.
Les Feldick points out that the Scripture never tells wives to love their husbands. He acknowledges that Peter instructs mothers to teach their daughters how to love a husband, but he says that is a far cry from commanding a wife to love her husband. The reason, Les explains, goes back to creation: God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate, and He created in Eve the ability to respond to that love. In the marriage relationship, when a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, the wife will automatically respond to that love. Les also stresses that the husband’s headship is not to be used to make his wife a slave or gopher; it is modeled on Christ’s loving headship over the church.
No. In Ephesians 5 the wife is told to submit, not to love: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). The command to love is directed to the husband: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Les Feldick says the Scripture never tells wives to love their husbands. He notes that Peter tells mothers to teach their daughters how to love a husband, but that is instruction, not a command.
Les says it all goes back to creation. God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate, and He created in Eve an ability to respond. That is why the command is given to the husband: he is to love, and she is designed to respond. Les also draws a parallel to God’s original dealings with man: when God extends love and grace, the creature is expected to return love and obedience. In marriage, if the husband truly loves his wife scripturally as Christ loves the church, the wife will respond to that love.
The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Les points out that there is nothing uncomfortable or miserable about being in the body of Christ with Christ as the head, because Christ has nothing but love for the church. The wife is never to be a slave or a gopher; she is part of her husband. A husband who has the same attitude toward his wife that Christ has toward the church will love her totally, to the place of being willing to die for her.
Les does not say the wife has no love. He says Peter tells mothers to instruct their daughters on how to love their husbands, but that is not the same as commanding it. Because God has created within the woman a responsiveness, when the husband extends his love she responds, and the result is a happy relationship. If a woman does not respond to that kind of love, Les says there is something wrong with her.
Headship Modeled on Christ and the Church
Les teaches that a husband is head of his wife the way Christ is head of the church, and that headship is not about making her a gopher or slave.
No Command for Wives to Love
Les points directly to the question: the Scripture never commands wives to love their husbands; husbands are commanded to love their wives because Adam was created to love and Eve was created to respond.
The Husband’s Love Is a Commandment
Les stresses that “husbands, love your wives” is a commandment, and the Scripture never tells the wife to love the husband.
Mothers Teach Daughters to Love Their Husbands
Les clarifies that Peter’s instruction is for mothers to teach daughters, not a command to wives; when a husband loves as Christ loves, the wife will respond.
Total, Even Sacrificial, Love
Les says a husband should have the same attitude toward his wife that Christ has toward the church—total love, to the point of being willing to die for her.
Submission Is Not Slavery
Les explains that the wife’s submission is not slavery; she simply recognizes that God has ordained the husband as head of the home.
The Wife’s God-Given Responsiveness
Les teaches that God created within the woman a responsiveness, so when the man extends his love she responds and you have a happy relationship.
The Wife Is Part of Her Husband
Les emphasizes that the wife is not to be downtrodden or treated as a slave; she is a part of her husband, and the headship pattern is Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The wife’s role in Ephesians 5 is expressed as submission, not as a command to love.
Ephesians 5:23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Husband’s headship is paralleled to Christ’s headship, which sets up the loving pattern.
Ephesians 5:24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
The wife’s subjection is related to the church’s subjection to Christ.
Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
The command to love in marriage is given to the husband, not to the wife.
No. Les Feldick says the Scripture never tells wives to love their husbands. Peter tells mothers to teach their daughters how to love a husband, but that is not a command. The love command in Ephesians 5 is directed to the husband (Ephesians 5:25).
Les explains that God created Adam with the ability to love his helpmate and created Eve with the ability to respond to that love. So the husband is commanded to love, and the wife is designed to respond.
According to Ephesians 5:25, the husband is to love his wife even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Les says this means loving her to the point of being willing to die for her and treating her with total love rather than as a slave or servant.
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