Why are husbands commanded to love and not wives?

Hello, and welcome to Through the Bible with Les Feldick, an Oklahoma rancher and farmer. Les Feldick has been teaching homestyle Bible classes for over 20 years in Iowa, Oklahoma, and Texas. Les Feldick's unique style of Bible teaching has made the books of the Bible come to life. When Les is teaching, it's so interesting that people say, time just seems to fly by. And now, here is Les Feldick. Okay, good to have everybody back in, and this is program number four. So again, like I explained last time, we're in book 38. We're in the last set of four programs, and this is the last program of the four. So maybe you can learn our formula. And for those of you on television, if you want to write about a particular program, just use those numbers. I wish we'd have done it from day one. But you know, as I've said even on the program, when Iris and I started this, we were so ignorant. We just didn't know anything about television, and what little we've learned, we've had to learn by experience. So I hope we've come a ways. But anyway, all of our past programs are available. We always like to let that be known on videotapes and audio, as well as the little printed booklets. And if you're interested in any of that material, you write to us, and we'll get the information to you. Again, we always like to let it be known. We're not associated with any denomination. I'm a member of a local church. I had a nice long visit with my pastor just last Sunday night after church. So if any of you wonder if I am not associated, yes, I am. But like he and I agreed, we don't always see eye to eye on everything, and we don't have to. We love each other anyway. But he's so supportive of our ministry, and I want people to know that. But I do not just promote one denomination. I maintain this is a book for everybody. This is not for any one denomination. No one denomination has a corner on heaven or on salvation, either one. So we just simply teach the Word, and we let the chips fall where they may. Not everybody likes it, and sometimes we step on toes. I know that. But as I told one lady years and years ago, she walked out the door and she said, all my toes are bleeding. And I said, we'll come back next week, and we'll do it all over because we're not going to back down because they don't like what they hear. So anyway, let's pick right up again where we left off in Ephesians chapter 5. We were at verse 22, and we had gone back and looked at how Abraham and Isaac were both failures as husbands a couple times, but God interceded and still took care of their wives in spite of it. And I feel the same thing is appropriate today. When we have a wife who submits to her husband, and he may not always be right, he may at times stumble, yet if she plays her role as God intended it, he will make up the differences. And always remember, Paul is talking about the marriage relationship of believers. Now the Lord knows that ungodly men cannot be given this kind of freedom and responsibility. They're going to abuse it, but we're not talking to those kind of men. We're talking about believing men who know the Lord, who love the Lord, who as we've seen in these previous verses, know what it is to walk in the fullness of the Spirit, what it is to walk in a life of rejoicing and happiness, and knowing that the Lord is the head of the husband, and the husband in turn is the head of the wife. So always keep this in perspective. This is not giving men a free reign to just simply lord it over the woman. No way! Nothing in Scripture ever gives men that prerogative, but when it comes to final analysis of decision making, and I think especially when it comes to disciplining the children, then the major responsibility falls on the father, as we're going to see probably in our next program and in chapter 6, where the father is the one who is held responsible for the discipline of the children. And of course that's a far cry from today, where most of that is left to the poor mother. Now verse 23. Ephesians 2. "...that after the wives were be submissive, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, which is the Savior of the body." Always remember that the word church does not mean that building on the corner. And as I was again thinking about these things last evening, I remember when I first was married to my little gal over here from Oklahoma, and of course I was from up in Iowa, and her expression always was the church house. Well we're going to go to the church house. Yeah, you're all nodding heads. Well you see up north, and I suppose for most of the people now today that's almost an unknown term, the church house. Oh I used to ride herd on her, and I said, now where do you get that? Well she said, that's what it is. I never heard of such a thing. We called it the church, but you know what? She was right. It is the church house. That building is not the church. See that building is just brick and stone. The church is made up of the true believers who meet in that church house. And so I've just told her more and more, honey I said you were right, and I was so wrong. Because now I understand that the church is not a building. I mean it is a total misnomer to drive by and I said, oh there's a pretty church. No that's not a church, it's a building. But according to our culture and everything, this is the way we've come to look at it. The church is made up of the believing element, the Body of Christ. And that's the way Paul always used it, and I've explained on past programs. The word in the Greek, I guess maybe I can use my board once yet today, and the word in the Greek is Ecclesia. And like I always say, you can spell it with K's or C's, it doesn't make any difference. But the Ecclesia is the Greek word always translated, with one or two exceptions, as church. But it should be defined as a called out assembly. A called out assembly is far better definition than to just give it the term church, something wrong with our electronics. So anyway, the called out assembly now is the Body of Christ. And always, wherever you see the term church, that's the first thing you look at. Don't just say, oh well it's the church which is His Body. No, it may not be. And I've used these in past programs when Stephen, I think it is in Acts chapter 7, speaks of the church which was in the wilderness. Well now it wasn't a building with a steeple, you all know that. Neither was it a church that practiced the Lord's Supper and had pastors and bishops and deacons, you know that. It was the children of Israel recently come out of Egypt. So why in the world does the New Testament call them a church? Well they were a called out assembly of people, recently in Egypt, and now around the mountain in Sinai. And so they became a called out assembly. But goodness sakes, they weren't a church as we think of the word church. And so always remember that when you see the word church, this is why Paul almost always identifies it as the church which is His Body, which makes a big difference from the word church as it's maybe used in Acts chapter 2 and so forth. So here again, "...therefore the church of which He is the Savior of the Body," in verse 23. So now in verse 24, "...as the church, the Body of Christ, this composite of believers around the whole world, which makes up the true Body of Christ." Whether we're Methodists or Catholics or Lutherans, that's moot. If we're born again and we're children of God, we are automatically in that Body of Christ, and that Body of Christ will be meeting in church buildings. Not all the people in that same church building are in the Body of Christ. That depends of course on how much of the truth is promoted. But whatever, the Body of Christ is the true church, and it is simply a body of people that meet in a particular building from time to time that we call then the church building or the church house. But whatever, "...as this Body of Christ, this consortium of born-again people, is subject unto Christ, so in like manner now then let the wives be subject unto..." Who? Their own husband. See the analogy? Now goodness sakes, Christ has never browbeat a member of the Body of Christ, has He? No. Christ has never made life miserable for a member of the Body. Christ has never made unfair demands on the Body, neither should a husband do that to his wife. You see the analogy? All right now, less people think, well that's just Paul. Let's turn to 1 Peter, and amazing as it may seem, Peter uses almost the same kind of language so far as this marital relationship is concerned. And 1 Peter chapter 3, my goodness, it's almost identical language, and yet these are two totally different apostles in their view of things. But when it comes to this marriage relationship under God, they can use the same language. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 1, "...likewise you wives be in..." What? Subjection. Oh, I can just hear the feminists, I can just hear the Equal Rights Amendment people, oh wow, they don't like this, but this is God's format. "...ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands..." And now of course the admonition is to a wife with an unbelieving husband. "...that they also may without the word be won by the conversation, or the manner of living, or the lifestyle of the wife." My, quite a statement isn't it? And you know what Peter is saying? Listen, believing wives, don't preach at your husband, don't try and drag him to church against his will, don't nag him to get into the Book, but what do you do? You practice the Christian walk so that he can't help but be amazed at what an example of Christianity that wife really is. And when that wife operates under those auspices, realizing that she's doing it with God's help, and that her whole desire is that he will come to a knowledge of salvation, God's going to honor her. Now it may take longer or shorter depending on cases, but sooner or later God is going to honor that wife's testimony. I've seen it happen. Iris knows exactly the first one I would think about, and I've already rehearsed it on the program previously, but it was one of the most extreme, and yet in a matter of months that fellow, highly educated, tremendous income, and yet because of that Christian walk of the wife, he suddenly realized what a reprobate he really was. And he'll tell us himself, told us at the time, he said, I just fell on my knees in my office and I said, God I'm a sinner. I want the salvation that my wife has got. And he became a real trophy of God's grace, became active in a local church and went on from there. But now let's read on. Verse 2, and this is Peter now, this isn't Paul, and Peter says, the unsaved husband, while they behold your chaste, or your pure conversation again, or your manner of living, coupled with fear. Now that's not the kind of fear we think of, well I'm just scared to death. No, this is a fear of respect and reverence. Now verse 3, here is how the wife is to actually have an impact on that unsaved husband, who is adorning, or whose beauty, let it not be the outward beauty of the plating, or the fixing of the hair, and of wearing of gold, or putting on of apparel. Now listen, here's where some groups have taken the Scripture completely out of context, and say that you can't fix your hair, you can't look decent, you can't wear jewelry. Let's note this verse says, all this verse says that if the woman is going to make an appeal to the man's lost estate, instead of trying to do it with her outward attraction, do it with the inward. See, and that's what he says in the next verse. Verse 4, let it be instead of an outward beauty, of beautiful clothes, and of beautiful hairdo, and there's nothing wrong with that in itself, but that's not the approach. But let it be the hidden woman of the heart, let her salvation experience just literally like a fountainhead, have an impact on that old boy who is out there lost. So let it be the hidden woman of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, now what are we talking about? In the realm of the spirit, in the realm of the invisible. Even the ornament, or the dressing up of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Oh Proverbs says it even better than that, doesn't it? Proverbs says, what is greater than a wife, and then he goes on to explain all that she can do, and will do. Alright, verse 5, 4 Peter writes, After this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted, had their faith, believed God, adorned themselves, not with beautiful clothes, not with a beautiful outward appearance, although, now let's stop a minute, were they? Well we've already seen two instances. Sarai was such a knockout that even at the age of 65, the pharaoh wanted her for a wife in his harem. Well that's now saying something, isn't it? She was beautiful, she was gorgeous, so was Rebecca. But Peter says, that isn't what we're talking about. We're talking about what they were within, in the realm of the Spirit. And so the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. Now remember what we read in Genesis, when Abraham said, Look, Sarai, you are so beautiful, we know that the Egyptians are going to take you right into Pharaoh's harem, and in order to get away with it, they're going to kill me, so let's just say that you're my sister. Does the Scripture tell us about a knockdown, drag-on fight they had? Did Sarah argue the point, and say, well what in the world's the matter with you, and on and on and on? No. Evidently Sarai, in complete subjection, says, All right Abraham, if that's the way you want it. But like I pointed out in the last program, even though Abraham failed miserably, who undertook on her behalf? God did. He made sure that the thing didn't blow up. Now let's go on here in Peter's little epistle. Verse 6. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Now that's a small l, so it's just simply a term of respect. And so she obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, and of course Peter is writing to Jewish believers in particular. Verse 7. As long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise you husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, not an equal vessel, but the weaker one. Now for the wife that has a husband who behaves himself as the Lord treats the Church, she doesn't have to be afraid to admit she's the weaker vessel. She's to be most envied. Reading on in verse 7. And as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered, finally be ye of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren. Now of course this goes on and stretches beyond the home, but it still is so applicable to the husband and wife relationship. Now if you'll come back to Ephesians, again chapter 5, and so Paul and Peter agree, naturally, it's Holy Spirit inspired, that the wife is to be submissive to the husband, but the husband is to, now verse 25, husbands love your wives. What is that? That's a commandment. A lot of people think the only commandments in Scripture are the 10. Oh no, the Scriptures are full of commandments. Paul has all kinds of them. Now they're not under the same scenario as the 10, but they're still scriptural admonitions. In another place he says what? Pray without ceasing. In another place he says resist the devil. Those are commandments. But this commandment says what? Husbands love your wives. That's a commandment, and any time that we get less than loving, I think every man in here who is a husband and myself included, we have to immediately say, now wait a minute, God's command is to love her. Whether you think you've got reason not to or not, your command is you love her, because after all that's why He gave her to you. Now I always point out, and this is to the chagrin of the men, and this is to the benefit of you women, men are commanded to love the wife. The wife is never commanded to love the husband. Now does that mean she's free to just simply take off and leave him? No. You know what that means? That God has so constructed in creation, God has so created the female of the species that if she, and I'm assuming that she's normal, that if she has a husband who loves her as much as Christ loved the church, she is automatically going to love that man, and she doesn't have to be told how to do it. Now you just think about that. That when the woman is extended the kind of love that Christ gave to the world, you might say, but especially to the church, and the husband extends that kind of love to his wife, she will not be able to help herself to love him in return, because that's the way God created her. Now you see this all of course goes back to the garden. Now let's go back there a minute. This will probably keep me from finishing where even I wanted to go in this chapter in Ephesians, but let's come all the way back to Genesis chapter 2 verse 23 and 24. Now this is where this whole format began. This is where the format of the husband being the head of the woman began, and God never rescinded it. Never. It has been part and parcel of Scripture all the way up through human history, and it's still valid today. Genesis chapter 2 verse 23 and 24. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore, remember I'm always teaching that at creation, Eve was in Adam. Adam was alone for a certain amount of time, but once God saw fit now to bring his maid on the scene, he brought her out of Adam, presented her to him as his wife, and then it says verse 24, therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. That's the way it began. Even though Eve was in Adam at creation, yet it wasn't until God presented her to the man as his wife that they took on the concept of the two becoming one. That's where it really began, and Paul will refer to that. Now flip back to Ephesians again if you will, and so after the command to husbands to love your wives as Christ loved the church, and then verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that is we were already forgiven, but we're in the old world, we're going to be defiled, we're going to commit sin, and so we need that daily cleansing that only the Word can give us. It's the only washing that Paul gives us, is the washing of the water by the Word. Verse 27, that he might present it to himself a glorious church or body, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, and then he comes back again to the physical. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, because he that loveth his wife loveth himself. I mean every one of us know that. As soon as we are less than loving to our wives, we're going to notice it. She's not going to be as responsive. I'm not going to expect fresh made apple pie if I've been treating her like dirt, but oh my, when I treat her right, those are the kind of things that I can expect. Now we've got to move on. Verse 29, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it. And again the comparison is, as the Lord loves and cherishes the church. Verse 30, for as the woman becomes part of the man in the marriage relationship, so also we become part of Christ. And now verse 31 is the one I want to at least end with. Verse 31, for this cause, since we are one with Christ and one with our wife, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. And it's a great mystery. Some of these things are hard to comprehend, but he says my final analysis is that it's a picture of Christ and the church. But now verse 33. Look at verse 33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she respond by reverencing or giving the husband the respect that he's due. Now I've been teaching this for young men and young women and older people for I guess over 20 years now, and I've always said if we could practice this, the divorce rate amongst believers would drop to zero. Thank you for watching Through the Bible with Les Feldick, a weekly Bible study. If you would like more information about the Les Feldick Ministries, a Bible study in your area, or about this program, write to Les Feldick Ministries, Route 1, Box 760, Kenta, Oklahoma, 74552. That's Route 1, Box 760, Kenta, Oklahoma, 74552. Through the Bible with Les Feldick is viewer supported, and your gift is appreciated. Thank you, and be sure to tune in next time for Through the Bible with Les Feldick.